The time of catharsis is over – it is time for mastery

In some spiritual, therapeutic, and tantric environments, emotional release has for a long time been practiced through shouting, screaming, hitting pillows, and intense physical expression.

Many of us have been there at some point in our healing journey.

I have too.

And I want to bring something into the light here:

It’s easy to get stuck in that phase.

Because these intense outbursts also create a rush in the body.

They can make us feel relieved, lighter. Almost instantly.

And the mind goes: “Okay… I’m good now.”

But when I look back at my own experience, I can see something else.

That feeling didn’t last. And I wasn’t actually becoming more regulated inside myself.

I spent years yelling into pillows, releasing, expressing, going all in on the intensity.

Did it help in some way? Yes.

Did it teach me how to be with intensity in my everyday life? No.

At some point I even believed this was the path to deep healing.

And I see how this can also play out in spiritual and conscious communities.

It becomes normal, and somewhere even expected.

Sometimes framed as “radical honesty.”

But what I’ve experienced—both in myself and around me—is how that can turn into expressing everything at others, or withness by others, without really taking responsibility for what we’re carrying. But becouse that little child inside of us, keep wanting to be seen.

I’ve sat in countless circles where emotions were released again and again. Week after week.

I’ve been part of it myself. And there was often this feeling of: this is good… this is healing.

But something in me started to question it.

Because I didn’t feel more grounded. I didn’t feel more able to hold myself when things got intense.

I just knew how to express it.

At some point I felt done. Done with that almost childless emotion outburts.

Something is missing here.

When intensity came up, I tried something different.

Staying with it. Feeling it in my body. without acting it out. no more screaming. just being - pressent.

Just being with it.

And honestly—it’s not easy.

I’m still learning this. Still in it.

But I can feel the difference. Something slowly builds. i feel that i am starting to growing my

capacity to stay with myself, even when it’s uncomfortable.

And I really want to honor the phase that came before this.

Seriously - I needed it.

There was so much in me that had never been allowed to move.

So much that had been held down for years.

And giving that space… mattered. It mattered.

But I can also feel now that I’m not meant to stay there.

Because even though it gave me release,

it didn’t teach me how to hold myself in the moments that actually matter.

In my relationships, In conflict, In the middle of everyday life, with my family,

with my kids.

That’s where I’m learning now.

Slowly.

How to stay, how to feel, how to stay when everything in me wants to react.

How to not immediately push it out.

And it feels important to say this.

Because both things are true:

The phase of catharsis and tantrum matters - especially if you were not allowed or felt safe to truly express your self as a child. - .because how can you learn to master something that you never learn to express?